We recently had dinner with Chris Smith. Chris was the high bidder on a Vineyard fund-raising auction lot that entitled him to have dinner with us.

For those of you who are blog-savvy, you'll recollect that Chris won this auction back in November. It took Vineyard staffer Mike O'Neill about 57 emails to find a night when we could all attend (good jorb, Mike). And Chris Smith (god bless his heart) flew in all the way from Burbank!

That's in California, people!!

Our dinner (provided by the fine folks at Shades of Green) was a hoot and a half. Jeff and I had the lambchop special with mint jelly, while others enjoyed cheeseburgers and other delights. There might have been a deep-fried cheesestick hootenanny ordered...it was all such a whirlwind.

Chris, our guest of honor is a writer, raconteur and receptionist, originally from West Virginia. We discussed the musical he is currently writing, the gift his sister gave him for Christmas, dying pets, credit card debt, near-death experiences and soap operas. We answered a list of questions Chris had prepared (Q: What does 'pull a train' mean? A: Too filthy to print). Chris even videotaped portions of our conversation, which I hope get edited into some sort of insane Christmas video for his family.

Thank you for travelling so far to hang out with us, Chris. And thank you for supporting the Vineyard. Please enjoy these pictures until yours come back from the FotoMat.

There are so many frickin' things to talk about, I don't even know where to start!!!

We saw Swassie in her play, "Anon" at the Atlantic. She was awesome of course...

We did a master class in Berea, Ohio @ Baldwin-Wallace College to a gaggle of the coolest, most talented, down-to-earth musical theater students we've ever met...

We hosted the Vineyard Theatre's 25th Anniversary Gala at THE RAINBOW ROOM!!! (Some of the sparkly celebs included Patricia Clarkson, Anna Paquin, John Guare, Paula Vogel, and [tos]'s communal boyfriend, Paul Rudd.)

I got cast in a new musical that's being done at the Ford Theatre in DC called 'Meet John Doe' with one of my best friends from my 'Full Monty' days, JIm Moye. Awesome...

and... I got cast in something else, but I can't tell you what yet...

So with all that awesome-ness happening, here's what I am going to tell you about - Alex, who's out on the Hairspray tour found me on MySpace and wrote this to me:

Just wanted to let you know that tos has quickly become one of my favorite shows. I listen to the soundtrack almost daily now on my ipod... and just today I started to learn how to knit on the bus and truck!

That's awesome Alex! Keep up the good work!

Do y'all get that? If you don't, give a listen to "9 People's Favorite Thing" and you'll hear the connection...

And about all that other stuff, I'm sure we'll be expanding on all those topics in the days to come. In the mean time, knit one, pearl two!

Here's a letter I received recently:
Jeff,
I am a huge crossword geek and I can't tell you how you've made my dream of being an answer come true.
Thank you, thank you, thank you...
Kirsten Wyatt
86 down
Glad we could serve up a dream, Kirsten.

Cash Tunes I don't think I'm going to rate them any more because everyone has an opinion about how hard they are. I'll just know in my heart that the puzzle is awesome and you'll have to do your best!

Enjoy. We're up to our necks in the Vineyard Gala and we have so much to blog about. Stay tuned!

I believe this is a song from the musical Charlotte Sweet. Nice score on that one. Anyhoo...it leads me to our [tos] field trip last week to this!

Our pal Matt Murphy hooked us up for a sneak preview of what is the nuttiest and potentially the hippest evening in town if they market this puppy right. The Gazillion Bubble Show was totally strange yet we had a blast. Susan and I won a free bubble making machine- so now Susan has two bubble making machines. I am reminded of an incident with Susan and Whitey in a tent camping-he smelt it, he dealt it...dutch oven...but I digress. Bubbles were made...crazy lip-synched monologues...jazzy music...slides that told us to "please enjoy this happy making show for joy times and clapping"...this show had it all

Then this happened. If Jeff and I went to the prom and if the theme was bubbles...

It made me think of this site.

And it made me think we should add bubbles to the dream sequence in our show.

Paul Broussard at WTUL in New Orleans wrote to us and suggested the name "[tos]words" for the puzzle I've been building. I told him that I felt foolish that none of us came up with that. Nice work, Paul. He also sent along this logo design. Again, nice work. I've officially changed the name of the puzzles to [tos]words because it's just impossible to ignore the idea at this point.

Some fans are challenged, some are asking for even harder puzzles. What to do? I'm working on an easy 2 or 3 puzzle for Sundee.

Who's coming to the Vineyard Gala on Monday? Anyone? There's no way we could afford a ticket, so thank the lordbabyjesus they asked us to host.

Hi folks. [tos] was nominated for a GLAAD media award for OUTSTANDING NEW YORK THEATRE. Word. Here's the list of nominees.

I must say that I am happy to be on a list with the comic book, Y- The Last Man and Hunter is happy to be on a list with the Scissor Sisters.

Hey nerds... Click here for Week Two's puzzle titled: "Songs For All."

Please note that my editor, Michael Berresse has changed the difficulty level of week one to a five. He requested that I make this week's a 3.5, but I told him no decimals, so I rounded it up to a 4.

Good luck. Any suggestions or comments you can click on my name below and send me your thoughts.

I thought this was generally good advice on writing/creating. Brought to you by my secret fantasy boyfriend, Jon Stewart:

While Hunter rocks SPRING AWAKENING, this is what I can't get out of my mind: Act II of GREY GARDENS. Brilliance.





Perhaps Elaine Stritch puts it best:

There is nothing better than getting a new OCR! (Thanks to tossers for submitting this pic!) I see the ole Ghostlight ocr of tos in there...as well as my newest jam. My latest nano i-pod jam is Spring Awakening. Come on people. Beautiful stuff. Susan and I are going to be on the bill at an upcoming benefit with [tos]'s new boyfriend Jonathan Groff. Jonathan is pals with tosser Courtney B. (who by the by is tearing it up in I Love You, You're Perfect...Now Change) Go see her! Anyway Court and Jonathan both stood by for the leads in the Broadway production of In My Life. So you see, we are just one degree away from proper stalking. I hope J Groff is ready for some proper green room time. That's why I'm doing the benefit. To meet him. Oh yeah and to raise awareness for autism. That too.

No seriously, our pal producer Derek Collard is putting together a great evening for a great cause. So get your tix tossers!

Fun night.

A shout out to all the peeps who give love to us on myspace. This recently in:

Good work jillybeaners on being inspired by the blog to send us this photo and comment:

"Well, hello there. I just back combed my hair for this soft look and added some very very dark orange rouge. Aren't I dramatic?"



To tosser Joel who is working his ass off on Jeff's crossword. Keep at it.

And a welcome to new tosser Adam in England where tosser means something totally different yet exactly the same thing. What?

We likey hearing from you guys on the myspace.

Hey, everybody! Look! I'm in a play that isn't [title of show]!

Seriously, though, I can't front. My part is only about four minutes long. Seriously. No joke.

I want to know who at Broadwayworld.com decided to attach my photo to that article. I'm flattered, but I also feel kind of guilty. Because Caroline Aaron has learned a lot more lines than me. And has done way more Woody Allen movies than me.

To assuage my guilt, I offer you this photo of Caroline Aaron:


Now that I've got that off my chest, I want to thank the Broadwayworld.com employee who attached my picture to that press release. I hope you don't get fired for it.

And if you have been dying to see me perform a 4-minute part in a play about sexual addictions, now's your chance!

See you at the Atlantic!!

(PS: We actually start previews on JANUARY 24. As one smartyhead pointed out, Februrary 31 doesn't really exist...)

Since Susan's blog about secrety santy was posted, a lot of fan mail has been coming in asking what we all were doing on the day baby jesus was born, since we had to exchange gifts so late. (And by a lot of fan mail...I mean no fan mail inquiring about this).

Maybe this will answer your non existent letters...

Ho. Ho. Straight up Ho'.

So after I fantasized about a tos casting reality show...some loyal tossers sent this:

Five nobodies.

Nice work guys.

So the lipstick/kissing tip may help Heidi and Susan when they make out hard the next time we do [title of show].

Even the frozen image promises so much goodness...a turban...a pinapple...just a bounty of treats on that table...where would you put your plate? I guess you eat "buffet-style" and then go sit under the giant picture of Brenda in the living room next to a gold dalmation statue.

So when I typed "Sometimes the best gifts come in your box at 2:35 AM" I truly typed that innocently. Only in reading Susan's comment did I read over that phrase and realize the double entendre. Susan is dirty.

On a different tip...kudos to jeffy for always being there with the full story. Peel the onion Jeff. Good research work. I am fascinated by the plays. And I want to know more about working with Gordon Jump. I also vote for her to be on Desp. Housewives. I don't have an audience with Marc Cherry, but I make my support of that casting choice public here on this the 19th day of our lord and also my Dad's b-day...so Happy b-day dad and good luck Brenda.

So I guess at the end of the day this blog celebrates my dad's diamond bday...happy 75!

Now who's jonesing for part 2?

I must admit that as cynical as I think I am, I am just as intrigued and delighted with the video below. As always, it's never enough for me to just enjoy, I have to devote too much time to online reading...

research

PS. I love that she's in full beat when she starts applying makeup with a "clean face." She's got more eyeliner happening on her "clean face" than a Quiet Riot tourbus whore.

Sometimes the best gifts come in your in box at 2:35 AM. I am up late trying to write and kill vampires and my friend Barrett emailed the link to this. Now don't let the 9:22 running time scare you. It's Friday...you've got time. So, kick back and take it all in. There are so many quotes, where do we begin.



Seriously. What the f'ing f? This shit makes me laugh so hard.

Oh yeah...there is a part 2!

TGIF.

The Varsity Interpretive Dance Squad is most enjoyable and it is lead by tos family member Dickie who is sups cute! Enjoy!

We recently held our 2006 Secret Santy holiday gift exchange. Due to scheduling tsuris, we usually have our Christmas gift exchange some time near Valentine's Day. But this year we got our acts together and rocked that shit in January!

The rules are simple: you can't give to your partner, and bonus points are awarded for creativity. For a couple years now, names have been assigned and distributed by our friend Liddy. We used to have our friend Liz do it, until the year she accidentally created a scenario wherein I got TWO presents and Hunter got NONE presents. I thought it was great, but Hunter didn't seem to care for it. Different strokes for different folks, I reckin.

Some of us get sort of spaztoid about the whole Secret Santy affair. Some of us might draw up charts and matrices to track whose zoomin' who. Some of us need to settle down (Jeff Bowen).

This years exchange was held at Union Hall in Brooklyn (y'all know it's my favie). Here's a little photojournalism for ye:

Heidi: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Hunter: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Jeffy: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Whitey: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Susie: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Laura: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Michael: Wrapped / Unwrapped!
Robert: Wrapped / Unwrapped!

Key:
Heidi was gifted by Whitey. Her gifts included the kicky Olive tote bag pictured.
Hunter was gifted by Heidi. His gifts included festive underoos.
Jeffy was gifted by Robert. His gifts included books that boys like Jeff like (plus, check out that fantastic wrapping paper that Robert designed!)
Whitey was gifted by Jeffy. His gifts included a photo of Whitey and his boyhood hero, JP Patches.
Susie was gifted by Michael. Her gifts included a sophisticated, Susanesque, lipstick red backpack.
Laura was gifted by Hunter. Her gifts included a sparkly vintagey cocktail purse stuffed with balms and salves to satisfy her well-documented lipgloss fetish.
Michael was gifted by Susan. His gifts included shadow boxes containing tiny replicas of [tos] memorabilia.
Robert was gifted by Laura. His gifts included hand-made Superman cups and saucers.

We had a fabulous time. Strangely, all girls present received some type of bag. Plus, we got to hang out with Andy.

Merry Christmas everybody!

All right, hard-core/die-hard theatre nerds, the time has come for me to begin posting (once-a-week, at least) a new Theatre Crossword Puzzle. Here's the page where they live...

Crosswords

Good luck and enjoy. Be sure to bookmark the page.

So is anybody else intrigued by the ice chess match between Britain and Russia. Anybody? Nobody?

Ice Chess

I think it looks awesome! I am a nerd. Furthermore, I challenge Spring Awakening to the first ever innermusical ice chess match next to the new TKTS booth. Let's do this! Jeff's pawn6 to Jonathan Groff's knight. Word.

So Jeffy and I were a'havin' lunch today, and somehow the topic of protesting came up. And, we were discussing how someone like a crazy-ass klan member or those nutty "God Hates Fags" folk have to get ready for their day just like you and me. They set their alarm, have a little breakfast, maybe make some small talk with a spouse or get the kids dressed for school...all the while mind you, before they go protest. Then, they have to shower and stare into the closet. "What should I wear to hate today?" Then you get toothpaste or deodorant on your shirt...have to change shirts, because you can't have that when you shout "Burn in hell." (BTW I had to dictionary.com deodorant...it just looked so weird) Then you have to pack those awkward signs in the car...backseat or trunk? Then there's the parking! Oy vey. I am just fascinated by the mundane I guess, and that the same routines happen for the guy who works at Starbucks as for the guy who stands screaming in front of a clinic or at a homosexual's funeral. Only one makes grande lattes and the other is vente crazy.

Here's a sampling of an email I got from Hunter today...

can you call my cell phone..i cant find it

hb

There are those days when I have the blog vampires. When looking at this screen is as daunting as a parachute jump. What to say...is it clever...will people like it or judge it...why bother bloggin'...who cares? Daily dose of vampires. Well one way to combat the blogpires I decided is to go back to our old pal Lynda Barry's flow writing methods and "type-chi." Just start. So I am starting...I am letting my fingers click and clack on a beat up lap top borrowed from Susan. This lap top now has the passport street cred of touring through Germany with my brother who was there this summer as a TV producer for World Cup, so it's seen some miles. He wrote eloquent tales of his travels and about the games and the people he encountered. When we were together over the holidays, he showed me pics of the games and of Germany. Those pics struck me. Vivid green fields. Nervous world-class athletes. Thousands and thousands of fans gathered from all over the world to cheer for their team. And all this from our mom's digital cam she loaned to my bro. My bro has been fortunate to work all over the world, sometimes with World Cup and other times with the Olympics. I had the good fortune to be at the '96 games in Atlanta and had 'lympic-fevah! I tried to see as much as I could. Handball...fencing...swimming...anything...and I loved it all. One day..actually I believe the day after a pipe bomb exploded at the Olympic Park, I went to the stadium to watch some track and field. Now I don't know jack about track. I was on the track team in middle school and ran the 440 and did a relay. I didn't really like running, but I wanted to do something and I think I liked the idea of holding that baton...go figure. On this day at the games, it was a lot of qualifying heats, no medal races...so the stakes were high but you saw a lot of athletes that weren't the fastest...some were just there to represent their country doing the best they could. In one qualifying heat that seemed to go on and on and on...a longer race...there was a very young female runner. She was in last place and quickly was lapped by all of her competitors...in fact, several times over. Everyone finished the race except her. But...she kept on running.
Track and field is like a three ring circus...lots of events happening simultaneously, so most fans' focus shifted to other events. But this girl kept running. So tiny and tired...running. After many slow laps, she apparently reached her final time around the track. As she did so, the crowd slowly just started standing. They stood and started cheering. There was no announcement, no cue from a speaker or jumbotron...just fans choosing to stand for this girl's final lap. There was no way she would win...she would not even come close to qualifying, but she wanted to finish her race. Each section she passed...stood. The cheering grew louder and louder and louder and the other events seemed to stop to focus on her as well. It was as if someone had just pressed pause for the rest of the games and a spotlight illuminated this girl.
There we were, a full stadium, cheering. I had the goosely-pimples. She could have quit. She clearly was in pain, but I just thought in my head about this young girl who came to the games to run...and promised herself that she would finish the race. I loved that. It wasn't about a medal. It was about finishing the race. And she did. She collapsed as soon as she crossed the finish line. And the stadium errupted. The cheers seemed louder than any I heard for gold medal winners on their podiums. She just finished the race. When she gathered strength, she took a victory lap and the stadium cheered even harder.
I don't really have a joke or a moral or even a one-liner to end my story...but I'm glad I sat down to write, because that memory was locked away somewhere and I love it. Type-chi. Just start. Let your pen flow...your fingers flow. No medals...just finish the race.

(PS Swarm of vampires about how corny this blog is...too sentimental...too this...too that. Die Vampire Die.)

So my bro sent me an e-mail to remind me that today is Shirley Bassey's b-day. 70 years young people...so check out her cover of Pink's song and rock it til the end when she belts it out.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=roLEUcaGRxk

Crank this at your job and make a martini!

So Hunty has been summoned for Jury Duty...I'm still in the midst of it all so I don't think I'm supposed to blog about that...but I can blog about TV. Gay, Straight, or Taken? Anybody rockin' this? I can watch some bullshit, and Jeffy thought I would like this show...but this may even be too crappy for me. That being said I am seriously considering texting my vote. And speaking of votes, I watched that crazy Grease reality show on NBC. That's a crapfest worth taking in as well! It has inspired me to pitch to the networks a reality show where America decides who will be in the Detroit production of [title of show]. Contestants first must sing 16 bars...then dance...like a monkey...then they will swim out to an island...on that island will be a buried chest...in that chest is a key...that key will open a series of locks which are on Heidi...unlock Heidi and then unscramble the letters written on Heidi's ass...that's round 1. I haven't thought about round two yet, but I'm convinced America will pick the right Hunter, Jeff, Susan, Larry, and Heidi.

I had to play hooky from my play yesterday and today. I am striken by the sickness that has attacked all of NYC (due to the fact that global warming is causing winter to be summer and summer to be fucking hot). You know those mucus cartoons on tv? They build a nesting spot in your head and hang up pictures they drew and stuff. Yeah, they are currently hanging a rainbow and sunset all over my head and stealing my voice like that scary octopus lady in the Little Mermaid did to Ariel. I am feeling a little better today, though still voiceless, so I went to the Zeigfeld to see Dreamgirls. It was super crowded and I had to nestle in the back with my tissues and cough drops but it was worth it. The movie was good but more than that, I went alone. I didn't want to cough all over someone I love so I went all bundled up by myself and ate popcorn and drank soda and coughed all over people I didn't know...no, I was heavily advil cold and sinused up, so I was only mildly disturbing to others. I have never seen a movie alone before and I have to say I think it is pretty awesome. So the moral of this mucused story is, see a movie by yourself.

Well, we're 7 days into the new year and I have some truly delicious news...

Get ready. It's really good. My head popped off when I found out.

I booked a series regular on a PBS animated series for pre-schoolers called Word World!!! I am Sheep, the sweet, stammery, girlie-girl in Word World who has a an active imagination and loves to watch cooking shows. I can't show you a picture yet 'cause the show doesn't air until the fall, but can you believe that? (I wanted to say, "can you believe that shit", but now I feel I have a responsibility to my future preschool fans to watch my mouth.)

OK, here's how it all went down. My snazzy husband works on Word World as a story-director and writer and they brought me in at the last minute to read for the awesome role of Sheep. AND I BOOKED THAT SHIT!! I was shocked, to say the least. My huz has worked in children's television for a long time now and I worked with him once before on another super cute show for Nickelodeon called The Wonder Pets. I played Mamma Swan and this was my big line, ready? "My son! The dancing swan!" Up until now that was as far as the nepotism got me, but all that changed when Heidi met Sheep. ROCK ON!!!

Tomorrow is my first day to record and I'm nervous. What should I wear? I have to pick just the right ball cap. I want to look casual and cool, but not sloppy... I gotta think about that. Perhaps a Juicy sweat suit. Wait, I don't have one of those. Come to think of it, that's trying a little too hard...

Life is crazy. And fun. And crazy.

So I'm going through the webstats of our show this morning (he says adjusting his bifocals), when I discover a referrer from http://fishunderwater.blogspot.com. The blog is maintained by Jaime and I was laughing my ass of reading her blog entries. I like your style, Jaime. Not to mention that she has this to say about [tos]. And this. And this.

Thanks for being a superfan. Also, I had fun perusing Isaac's blog "He Who Laughs" this morning. His recap of the night he spent at [tos] warms my heart.

Keep listening, tossers. There's more to come.

Well, we're three days into the year and it's been a great year so far. The great thing about being only three days in is that is way to early to call this a shitty year. Y'know. I think you have to wait 'til about August before you can really designate the current year a "shitty one". So, anyway, it's a good year so far.

Here's a picture that superfan Michael Lee sent us from downunder. He was walking through the center of Christchurch, New Zealand when he spotted it. He pointed out that it was on the side of a council ute which is how they say "Garbage Truck" in New Zealand. Somehow they are encouraging consumers to not be "tossers" and that's absurd. We are in the early process of drawing up a legal cease and desist order on the ute refuse company.

Hey, what's this?

If you guessed an "Uta & Ute ute", you are correct.